Post-Covids Depression

Last month, Porridge Radio, one of my favorite new bands, and the Osees, one of my favorite more-established bands, played back-to-back nights here in Atlanta.  I didn't go to either show.

In fact, ever since the covids pandemic started in the spring of 2019, the only live music I've seen was at the 2022 Big Ears festival in Knoxville. I've already got my ticket for Big Ears 2023, but I may not go to any live shows between then and now.

I'm not precisely sure of the reason.  Music has changed - that's undeniable - and my old favorite indie bands have largely been replaced by pop and hip hop acts.  Also, my age has finally caught up with me during the pandemic shutdown.  It seems that I didn't mind going to shows when I was a mere 64-year-old back in 2018, but now I feel it's inappropriate for me to go to shows as a 68-year-old in 2022.

I saw someone post on Reddit that folks over 40 should not go to music festivals.  "If you're over 40 and at a festival, you might think you're living the best life, but all you're really doing is embarrassing yourself and bringing everyone else around you down," they wrote. People commenting on the post almost uniformly agreed, and no one presented a counter-argument.

I'm old enough to be the father of that hypothetical 40-year-old at a music festival and probably the grandfather of the person who posted on Reddit.

One of the things I was looking forward to in retirement was going to multiple shows a week without concern about getting up for work the next morning.  The pandemic basically shut the whole live-music business down for well over a year, and afterwards I was still reluctant to go to a sweaty, crowded club out of concern for my health, even if the venues did have mask and vaccine mandates.

Then the next thing I knew, it was three years later and I was four years older and felt more than awkward going to the club to hear the newest band (or the old favorite, for that matter).  I don't feel as uncomfortable at Big Ears because as a primarily jazz and modern classical festival, the crowd tends to skew older and I'm not so out of place.  

There might be other subconscious reasons for me avoiding shows, but if so I'm not aware of them (that's why they're subconscious). It might be depression. It might be fear of rejection. It might be energy (although if anything I'm nocturnal and have no trouble staying out until 1:00 am).

But in any case, this ROM will content himself with exploring music through Spotify and Bandcamp, and making an annual pilgrimage to Knoxville for Big Ears.