"In a society that almost demands life at double time, speed and addiction numb us to our own experience. In such a society, it is almost impossible to settle into our bodies or stay connected with our hearts, let alone connect with one another or the earth where we live." - Jack Kornfield
Another day today at double time: up at 5, open the zendo at 6, in the office by 8, meeting with attormeys at 10:30, another meeting at 2, evening committee to discuss trails in the neighborhood park at 7:30, home again (finally) at 10. And somewhere in between all of that, complete some reports and reply to email in the office, argue over the phone with Delta about a ticket refund that never arrived, plan for tomorrow.
Where would I be without Starbucks? Where would I be without practice?
Throughout the day, reminders of our connections with one another: after grudgingly pulling myself out of bed and getting to the zendo before sunrise, there was no one there for whom to open. I lit the incense, rang the bell, and sat alone, wondering what I was doing there. But then I realized, isn't having people there for whom to open just another goal? And wasn't this morning an opportunity to explore what it feels like to practice early rising and service to others, but without the "others" as the goal? How many people would my ego need there to make my getting up early seem "worthwhile?" And what does that say about my motivations?
"Goals are dreams with deadlines." - Diana Scharf-Hunt
So I sat there quietly, content to be practicing, when first one, then two, cars pulled into the lot. Ah, the "others" have arrived.
At the community meeting on park trails, I was surprised to observe how strongly I held some of my own opinions, and how disturbing it felt when my opinions weren't being considered. Could I let go of these strong opinions, and what would that feel like? It turns out that it felt like finally hearing people for the first time this evening - listening rather than waiting for my turn to talk.
Exhausting day, and tomorow I get to do it, and more, all over again.