The Deep Sea Alien

 

So, I had to rebuild my body.

Sometime around 2016, even before the dreadful Election Day that brought us you-know-who, I fell into a depression. Disillusioned with work, my job in particular but my whole career in general, I just sat at my desk doing as little as possible until I could finally retire in 2019. Then my grand retirement plans for travel and leisure were dashed by the realities of finances and loss of motivation due to depression, and then the covids hit, and for literally two years I barely left the house.

Watching cable tv from the sofa all day with feet propped up on the ottoman isn't a healthy lifestyle choice for anyone. I gained weight, my blood pressure skyrocketed, and my metabolism went prediabetic. A bladder infection eventually drove me to the E.R., which probably saved my life, as the doctors recognized all of the other symptoms - the hypertension and the prediabetes - and put me on some meds and encouraged me to diet and exercise.

Which I did, opting, given my age, to walk instead of run. At first, I could only walk a couple miles before leg cramps and soreness set in. But I kept at it and soon stretched it out to three, then four, and now five miles each outing.

This was a bit shocking to me, as in the 80s and 90s I was running 10 Ks routinely and was often on my feet all day. I had strong legs then and was actually quite proud of them. At the gym, I would sit at the leg-press machine and set the pin all the way at the bottom of the stack so as to lift the maximum amount of weight. Trainers on the floor would try to stop me, "Sir, that's too much, you'll hurt yourself," but I'd just turn and look them in the eye as I knocked off five reps. Women even complimented me on my muscular legs and I made sure to wear shorts when I wanted to be noticed. And then 20 years later, my legs looked like a stick-figure cartoon and I could barely walk two miles.

But as I said, I kept at it, and my strength gradually returned. The pounds dropped off (I've lost 35 pounds since last March) and my blood pressure went form Stage 1 hypertension to the lower end of normal. I could see the muscle definition returning to my legs, and noticed how much snugger my jeans felt around my calves. At this point, I have the strength and the stamina to walk much more than five miles - I'm limited more by how long I can take the Georgia mid-summer heat and humidity than anything else. 

But in all of that exercising and dieting, I had neglected my zazen, sitting meditation. It was only ten years ago I was participating in weekend-long meditation retreats, sitting cross-legged on the floor for hours on end. 

The other day, I decided to work meditation back into my routine. Since I do my walking every other day, I'd sit on the days in between, I figured. But when I sat back down on the cushion again, I was dismayed to find my legs wouldn't bend into a cross-legged posture. I had built the muscle mass back up, but forgot to allow for sinew elasticity. 

I've been meditating since then in a kneeling posture and slowly trying to stretch myself  out into a cross-legged position. I'm not talking full- or even half-lotus, just normal crossed legs. If I recall correctly, when I first stated Zen back in the distant year 2000, I couldn't sit cross legged at first but eventually forced my way into the posture, and I guess that if I did it then, I could repeat that slow process again now, despite my advanced age.           

So little by little, day by day, I'm getting better in every way.