The Brother Heart

 

A noise. A sound. Not a buzz or a hum, but a sort of crinkly sound, like that of a sheet of paper being balled up. 

I was sitting in zazen when I first noticed the sound, one I had never noticed before in my house. It was a very quiet sound, easily drowned out by any noise at all - the AC, outside traffic, etc. But the weather is such that the AC's not running and my street is blessedly little traffic on my street. The only distracting noise I usually have to deal with is the sound of a distant leaf-blower as the maintenance crew is doing the yardwork for someone in the neighborhood, but it's Sunday and even the leaf blowers take the day off.  

I had no idea what the sound was. The closest thing I could think of was the sound my laptop was making earlier this summer. I took it to the shop and they told me the speaker had a small hole and was making the noise. I asked them to order me a new one and let me know when it arrived at the shop. It's been six weeks now and I haven't heard back from them.

But anyway, here and now (or at least earlier today) - I'm sitting in meditation, and I hear a sound similar to the one my laptop was making. I have a very old, barely functioning laptop in my home zendo, and I figured it was the same thing - I was hearing the crackling sound of a blown speaker.

I had thought the laptop was turned off, but it was possible that it was only in "sleep" mode. A blown-out speaker could still make noise in sleep mode, couldn't it? I wanted to get up immediately and check the power mode; turn it "off" if necessary. 

But part of my practice is to sit still through the meditation period regardless of distractions and temptations. Don't give in to the urge to scratch my nose just because I feel an itch, don't check the timer to see how much time has passed. Don't get up to investigate strange noises - there will be plenty of time for that later after the meditation period is over. Part of mindfulness practice is to practice putting your attention where you want it for as long as you want it, and not to give in to the restless "monkey mind" that's always looking for some distraction, some entertainment, something - anything - other than just sitting.

So I continued to sit, and did my best to ignore the noise.

The timer finally signaled the end of the first sitting period and I got up and checked the laptop. Putting my ear next to it, I could tell that it wasn't the culprit - the sound wasn't coming from there. Just to be sure, I pressed the  power button and turned it "on" and then back "off" again, and sat down from my second sitting period (I do two 30-minute sittings).

The sound. It's back. I know it's not the laptop, that convenient explanation during my first period, and now it's a mystery. My mind desperately wanted to get up and further explore the room to find the source of the noise, but I was adamant about sitting still, and didn't move for the duration of the second period, despite that annoying sound.

I later found what it was - the seal for the toilet in the adjacent bathroom hadn't properly seated the last time it was flushed, and a small trickle of water was constantly flowing over the outlet. I nudged the seal, the water stopped, and the noise was gone. End of story.

The point here isn't about home plumbing solutions. I bring this up as a reminder to myself that part of practice is practicing self-control and self-discipline. It's the practice of sitting meditation that gives me the discipline to keep at my walking/hiking exercise routine and to stick to a diet of the same food every day, and not much of it at that. Lack of discipline would have me stay at home all day if the weather looks dodgy, or to splurge out on a pizza or some ice cream to "reward" myself for dieting. I can thank my meditation practice for my improved health in 2024.