Day of the High Cities

Three things you can do instead of spending four years and $40,000 getting a college education:

1. Go to the library and read, five days a week, eight hours a day. You'll learn a lot, be erudite and witty on a great many topics, and be the most-quoted person at every cocktail party you attend. There's no money to be made, however, but at least the ROI on a zero-sum investment will break even.


2. Find an open football field and practice place-kicking eight hours a day, five days a week. After four years, that would be 8,320  hours of practice, and you'll be goddamn good at it. Then go to the training camp of the NFL team of your choice and tell them you can kick a field goal from any place spot they want to spot the ball on the field. Knock it through and then say, "Guaranteed field goal instead of a punt on every possession." $10M/year, unless your agent can get you better.


3. Hire a different $500/night call girl on 80 different nights. Document everything - her name, her looks, the sex, the setting, your health, her health, your conversations, how you feel about yourself after Night 1, and how you feel about yourself after Night 80. Write a book, give a TED talk, make the talk-show circuit, start a life-coaching business. Play your cards right, and you'll make a fortune, be a guest rapper on every hip-hop mixtape, and get walk-on cameos in major motion pictures.