Not Knowing

Can you read this blog and just hear my words, and not filter them through your mind and compare them to what you agree and disagree with? Can you leave your own opinions and preferences aside and just hear me, and can I do the same with you?

During the last zazenkai, my profound experience and subsequent insights were not the result of the teachings and talks. They were more my reaction to meeting the teacher. It was the experience of the Zen Master functioning as a Zen Master, and the student functioning as a student. It was not in the words, but unfortunately the words are all I can share with you (at least in this format).

At the last zazenkai, the teacher, Dae Gok, taught us the real meaning of "Great Doubt." I've discussed the concept of "Great Doubt" before, even gave a couple of dharma talks on it, but I now realize that I missed the true meaning entirely. "Great Doubt" is not the opposite of blind faith; it is not a questioning of everything and comparing it to one's own experience, upon which we ultimately rely. That is still insidious doubt.

"Great Doubt" includes doubting even our own experience and judgements, and just dwelling in a state of not knowing. The state of not knowing is not ignorance; in fact, it is actually a lot closer to Wisdom than ignorance. Thinking that we know is actually more ignorant. "Great Doubt" is letting go of all our prior perceptions and prejudices and predictions and preferences, and just being truly open minded, accepting what it is that is before us as what it actually is.

"Great Doubt" is not panicking or despairing in the absence of an opinion, but being truly comfortable in a state of not knowing. And in this state of not knowing, is it not possible to honestly and intimately communicate with another and just hear each other with a total suspension of belief and disbelief? In fact, isn't it only in this state of not knowing that it is possible to honestly and intimately communicate with another and actually hear one another with a total suspension of belief and disbelief?

"What would you call a conversation where both persons were not judging or weighing the words of the other?," Dae Gok asked.

Silence.

"Ask me the question," he instructed.

"What would you call a conversation where both persons were not judging or weighing the words of the other?"

"Friendship," Dae Gok answered.