Thursday, September 18, 2008

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it wanted change! It saw that it is time for change!

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, when I was a captive of the Viet Cong, they fed us nothing but rice and grubs. I waited five-and-a-half years for that chicken to cross the road so that I could have something to eat!

SARAH PALIN: I told Congress "Thanks, but no thanks" to that chicken from the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: I remember when I was First Lady and personally helped that little chicken cross the road. I can still hear the sound of the sniper's bullets ricocheting around me as I guided that little chicken across the dangerous road!

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if that chicken is on our side of the road, or not. That chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

OLD MAN: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. Hey Cheney, watch where you're pointing that gun! Aieeee, my face, my face!

BILL CLINTON: Whether or ont I crossed the road with that chicken depends on what your definition of chicken is.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken A NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens!

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

SARAH PALIN: What's the difference between a pit bull and a chicken? Lipstick! No, wait a minute. . .

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

SARAH PALIN: I thought that fancy-pants chicken from the other side of the road was a little over the top, so I sold it on eBay.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

ZEN MASTER DOGEN: There is no chicken, there is no road. There is only crossing. Please consider this carefully.