Sesshin

Summer is the period between Memorial Day and Labor Day. What you did with your summer can be defined as what you did on those twin three-day weekends, and all the time in between.

Last Memorial Day started off good enough. Although I was still feeling somewhat "lost," having been separated from my former ex-girlfriend L. for some three months, I was starting to find my own - for example, I had a contract on the Collier Hills house - and decided to start the holiday weekend off at the zendo. Cf. blog entry of May 31 for a real-time description of the weekend start. Also note that there're no entries for the next several days, as the weekend, off to such a good start, slowly dissolved into loneliness and despair.

But don't mourn for your narrator. During the summer months following Memorial Day, I got back together, in a sense, with L., moved into the Collier Hills house, spent weekends on Sea Island/Saint Simons Island, traveled to Budapest of all places, spent yet another weekend in NYC, had my Mom down for several days, and in general had a blast.

I only bring up Memorial Day now in order to examine how Labor Day weekend, the other bookend of summer, was almost the mirror image of its mate. The Wednesday before, as the Republican National Convention was winding down, L. came over to inform me that, in fact, there was no future for us as a couple, and breaking up was only a matter of time. We could just part ways now, or we could let things wind down naturally. Since I was in no rush to break up, I opted for the latter, and further said that I didn't really want to spend Labor Day weekend alone, so perhaps we could spend time together for just a few more days and see what happens. She agreed, and said that she too would prefer not to spend the weekend alone.

So, unlike Memorial Day, when I entered the weekend upbeat and finished it down, I entered the Labor Day weekend feeling pretty low. But Friday evening, L. stopped by after work, and after a brief exchange of affections, we went to the zendo together.

Friday was the first night of the monthly sesshin, so a relatively large sangha was present. Sesshin is an extended period of meditation, in this case, a weekend, and an opportunity to deepen your practice. "Sesshin" literally translated, means to "unify one's mind."

L. and I rode to the zendo together and walked in holding hands. We sat facing the wall side by side. A rolldown on the gong indicated the start of the service. We all rose in unison and chanted the Great Heart of Wisdom Sutra. Prostration bows preceded the first period of zazen.

After 45 minutes, the gong rang out indicating time for kinhin, walking meditation. Arms folded across our chests, we all slowly circled the room, still in deep silence, still in meditation. Kinhin was followed by a second 45-minute period of zazen, and then the chanting of the Four Vows ("Beings are numberless, I vow to save them . . . ").

L. and I left feeling very calm and centered. I offered to drop her at home, but she preferred to spend the night with me. My anxieties from Wednesday were fading fast. So, unlike Memorial Day weekend, which started well and ended poorly, Labor Day weekend was looking like it was going to end well after a poor start.

But only time will tell.