Theft of the Stages, 38th Day of Autumn, 526 M.E. (Helios): One hurricane all year and damned if the motherfucker isn't heading straight toward Atlanta! 

Some may want to challenge that trajectory and say the weather models have it running not toward Atlanta but north through the state of Alabama. But that line on the National Hurricane Center maps is of the eye of the storm, and hurricanes are much, much wider than the trajectory lines or those cones on the maps. 

Also, hurricanes are unpredictable - two years ago, based on all of the models and available data, Helene was supposed to track to the west of here but actually passed to the east of here. Ironically, I fled that storm by booking a hotel to the east of here, and wound up spending the night directly in the storm's path, although thankfully unharmed.  

Even if the eyewall doesn't pass through Georgia, there's still a not-insignificant risk on the periphery of the storm, including that of spin-up tornados. Falling trees. Flash flooding. Power outages. No Grub Hub delivery.

The center of Hurricane Isaias is forecast to pass over Tuscaloosa, Alabama right at the scheduled kick-off time for the Georgia Bulldogs-Alabama Crimson Tide football game. Alabama, never ones to concede pride to science, say they're still planning on hosting the game as planned. That decision puts thousands of fans in danger, not only during the game itself, but driving to and from the event as they pass through floodplains and over rain-swollen rivers. 

But there's an upside: the Stable Genius said he is going to attend the game, and although thousands of other innocent lives will be tragically lost, I can hope that the entire stadium fills with water from Isaias and drowns them all, including the Stable Genius. Or Air Force One or Marine One of whichever One he's flying goes down in the hurricane force winds and the bodies never recovered, finally ending our long national nightmare.

A boy can dream.