Master of the Relics, 17th of the Dog Days, 526 M.E. (Betelgeuse): According to CNBC, Georgia is the fifth worst state in the U.S. to live in. Fuck CNBC. That don't know what they're talking about.

The four worst states, in order, are Tennessee, Texas, Indiana, and Louisiana, and I can agree that they're all worse than Georgia although I could dispute the exact order. After Georgia, they rank Utah, Missouri, Alabama, Oklahoma, and Arkansas. I would rather live in Georgia than any of those other nine states.

Vermont was ranked No. 1, and cool, if you can afford it. Maine was ranked No. 2, so I guess they like it cold, and New Jersey was ranked No. 3 if you can believe it. That about says all one needs to know about CNBC's credibility. I'd rather live in No. 45 Georgia than No. 3 New Jersey, and I should know - I graduated high school in New Jersey. Here in Georgia, at least we can pump our own gas.   

Georgia was ranked low primarily because of its lack of protections for the LGBTQ+ community and therefore lack of inclusiveness. Fair point, but I doubt the CNBC pollsters ever visited the large and vibrant gay community in Midtown Atlanta. There have been several openly gay politicians in Atlanta, including on the City Council, and on both sides of the political aisle at that.     

Georgia was ranked No. 7 by CNBC for "States to Do Business In," and won high marks for its infrastructure, workforce, and access to capital. Now, I recognize "business friendly" is not the same as "quality of life," and can sometimes mean the exact opposite. I also recognize the implications and perils implicit in Georgia's "religious freedom" laws and am angry over the State's restrictive abortion laws, but life here in Atlanta isn't all submissiveness to Bible-thumping bigots and hordes of unwed mothers. It may be different OTP (Outside the Perimeter), but Atlanta's still by far the largest metropolis in the state and holds a significant percentage of the State's population. 

I'm retired and don't have family here in Georgia. I can literally live anywhere in the U.S. I choose, and I choose to stay here in Georgia. Low cost of living, friendly people, lots of stuff to do. Not to mention the best goddamn barbeque in the country. 

CNBC doesn't know what they're talking about. But I can't help but notice that all ten of the worst states are red states with Republican governors, so I'll give them that.

 

Day of the Heart's Release, 16th of the Dog Days, 526 M.E. (Aldebaran): Today, the 16th of the Dog Days, is the 198th day of the year. It's the birthday of actress Billie Lourd, daughter of Carrie Fisher.  You may know her from the Star Wars movie, The Rise of Skywalker (she was Lieutenant Connix) or from television's American Horror Story.  On her 30th birthday (2022) her husband called her a "badass hot-Mom wife" and told her "I love you forever" on social media. according to People magazine. 

The 16th Dog Day is known as "Day of the Heart's Release" is the USC, and that's the most romantic thing I could find about today on the interwebs. Other than that, it's all airplane accidents, assassinations, and war crimes; you know, the usual stuff.  

The tropical wave near the Cape Verde islands has pretty much petered out - 0% chance of becoming a hurricane - but the system off the Florida panhandle in the Gulf of Mexico still warrants monitoring. 

With all of the afternoon thunderstorms here recently and the generally wet weather, I haven't walked more than a Washington in the last ten days. I've also stopped my alternating-day, 90-minute meditation. After missing less that ten days in the last two years, I've decided to give it a temporary rest. I found that my motivation for sitting was just to continue the streak, to not let the record break, and so I decided to stop until a genuine desire for sitting for the sake of the sitting, and not for maintaining some record, becomes the driving motivator once again.

The strategy seems to be working, as I already miss the zazen.

Zen master Dogen once wrote that "Driving ourselves to practice is surely delusion" or something like that. What he meant was driving ourselves during practice to some goal, usually enlightenment, is delusional, not forcing ourselves to initiate practice, but the words have been misinterpreted by many Zen practitioners over the centuries (okay, maybe just me). But there's a time for sitting and a time for not sitting, and until a sincere desire to resume practice re-emerges, I'm suspending my zazen. 

As I said, the strategy seems to be working. I find my days strangely off-center since I've stopped, and I'm frequently stumped while trying to decide what to do with myself over the next hour. Maybe when this wet cycle finally subsides and I resume my alternating-day walks, I can resume sitting on the days between the walks.

Have you seen that new Homer movie yet?

 

Day of the Horns, 15th of the Dog Days, 526 M.E. (Helios): And as we come to the end of another week in the New Revised Universal Solar Calendar, it's time to think about how wonderful life is. 

Potential can run in two directions: positive or negative. But when we look at those two polarities apart from the ego-self and take the broader view, they aren't really opposing poles. They're just opposite poles, and what's good for one person may be bad for another and vice versa. When we look at them either very closely or from very far away, there's no difference. They just seem different and opposed to each other at the scale of our our personal lives, our preferences, and our desires. 

It's like this wonderful Earth we live on: the northern magnetic pole is neither bad nor good, and the southern isn't the opposite of whatever value you place on the other. It's just magnetism - natural and  neutral. But if you're using a compass to find your way and you mistake the two poles, it might not work out all that well for you, but that one's on you - it's not the fault of the poles.

And so it is in life. What's "bad" for me might be "good" for someone else, and when my team "loses" someone else's side "wins." So any outcome, any situation, is neither universally good nor necessarily a loss. It just is what it is and you'll be happier if you keep your eyes on the positive horizon.  

Yes, but . . . as I squint my eyes looking at that horizon, what do I see? I see an area of low pressure forming over the northeast Gulf of Mexico and offshore of the Southeastern U.S. Forecasters say gradual development of this system is possible as it slowly moves toward the northeast and the coast of Georgia. And on the other side of the ocean, if I were to squint harder, I'd see a tropical wave near the Cabo Verde Islands causing showers and thunderstorms. That system may slowly organize during the next day or two as it moves west-northwest across the Atlantic. Either system may be the first hurricane of this season, or this might be the last I hear about either one. 

Anyway, life is good. I'm glad I'm here and I'm glad that you're in this thing, too. Enjoy the ride.

 

Child Found Within the Tree, 14th of the Dog Days, 526 M.E. (Electra): Jury duty. I've been summoned about a half dozen times since moving to Fulton County, Georgia in 2004, but only served once. Other times, I was either dismissed after hanging around the courtroom for a day or received a dismissal notification the evening before.

I received a summons to serve in the mail on Monday, the first time since my retirement. You'd think that since I'm no longer working, I'd be glad to serve. After all, I have nothing else to do with my days. You'd think.

But since retirement in 2019, something inside me has broke. I am no longer capable of getting up early in the morning or to be fully functional much before noon. I generally sleep until 7:00 or 8:00 am, read in bed or snooze a little for an hour or so, and I'm not usually up and about until around 9:00. I'm not proud of that but I'm not ashamed either - it is what it is. I'm an old man, I'm retired, and I don't get up early for no one.

Jury service begins each day at Futon County courthouse in downtown Atlanta at 8:30 am. To be there on time, I'd have to drive downtown in Atlanta's notorious morning rush-hour traffic, park in the designated juror's lot (they included a parking pass in the summons), take the shuttle bus to the courthouse, and pass through security. I'd have to get up by 6:30 am to do all that and leave some time for breakfast and coffee and at last a modicum of personal hygiene. 

In other words, it ain't gonna happen. 

Even if I rallied my sleepy ass and pulled it off for one day, if selected for a trial, it's exponentially less likely that I'd pull it off two or more days in a row. If the trial went into a second or third day, it would only be a matter of time before I'd oversleep and get a contempt-of-court citation for failure to appear.

Fortunately for me, residents over the age of 70 are excused from service. But not automatically - to be excused based on age, one has to fill out an age affidavit also included in the summons, get it notarized and scanned, and upload it to the court's website (no email). I'm capable of all those things, but it is asking a lot from senior citizens, who are notoriously incompetent with technology.

I had to go to the UPS Store to get the affidavit notarized ($14.00) and scanned. I logged onto the website and set up an account. Users are only allowed to request exemptions or deferrals after completing a "juror's questionnaire," which wanted all kinds of information on age, sex, and race, employment history, marital status, and spouse's employment history. After completing all of that, I clicked on "request exemption," and uploaded the completed and notarized affidavit.

I was pleased that within the half hour I received an email from a Fulton County "no-reply" account. I was displeased that the email title was a terse "Denied" and that the text stated "To be deferred, a juror must be over 70 years of age and submit a proper affidavit." 

THAT'S WHAT I JUST DID, YOU ABOMINABLE BOT! What was wrong with my request? I am over 70 (I turn 72 later this month) and I included a fully completed and notarized affidavit. But how do you reply to a "no reply" email? 

I went back to the website, logged back on to my account, and tried to repeat the questionnaire, but was denied access. I re-uploaded the affidavit, although the original upload was still there. That's when I got a second email from Mr. No Reply, this time titled "Disqualification Granted." 

"Based on the information provided, you have been excused from jury service." That's it. No explanation, or apology for the earlier email. I can only assume that some clerk somewhere deep in the bowels of the courthouse just reflexively issued the denial email before realizing that the affidavit proving my eligibility had been submitted. At least they corrected their error, even though without explanation or apology.

So I don't have jury service after all, and I'm not getting arrested for failure to appear. Crisis averted and I get to continue to sleep late, but at least I had something to do today.

If Why Then Vanish, 13th of the Dog Days, 526 M.E. (Deneb): In the last decade of the 20th Century and continuing into the first decade of the 21st Century, there was significant tension in Georgia between owners of industrial property and the state environmental bureau, the Georgia EPD. The property owners objected to the strenuous cleanup requirements imposed by the state and particularly to their associated high costs, while the State felt they were responsible not only for the environment but also for the effects on human health if the stringent cleanup standards weren't met. 

As an environmental consultant caught in the middle, I understood both sides. The state had deliberately set the standards low to protect potential future sensitive receptors - a cleanup standard for lead in soil based on exposure to the current adult industrial workers wouldn't be appropriate for children if the property was sold and redeveloped as residential property. On the other hand, technologies to achieve some of the State's cleanup goals either hadn't been developed yet or were exorbitantly expensive, and many of the property owners being required to foot the bill weren't the parties that contaminated the property in the first place.

A solution of sorts were reached when Georgia started accepting the use of engineering controls to address contaminated land. If contact to lead in soil by children was detrimental, instead of removing the soil why not simply put a concrete cover or other cap over the soil to prevent contact? The state agreed with the solution in principal, but was worried what would happen in the future when a new property owner decided that the concrete didn't fit in with their development plans, or when the concrete eventually began to crack, weather, and fail.  

The solution to that concern was institutional control. If a notice that a concrete cover was required to be maintained on site was put onto the property deed and, further, that the notice be a permanent fixture on the deed from one owner to the next, that would address the concern. Deed notices could also require annual inspections of the cap and yearly notifications to the Georgia EPD that the concrete still effectively prevented exposure to the underlying soil. 

These engineering and institutional controls could also be made to work for contaminated groundwater. The Property deed could state that under no circumstance could water beneath the property be used as a drinking-water supply, and annual groundwater monitoring and reporting be performed to assure that the contaminated groundwater didn't migrate beyond the property boundaries.

The downside was that implementation of engineering and institutional controls meant that there would be less cleanup in Georgia, and as a result more contaminated soil and groundwater would remain in the state. The upside is that there'd be less human exposure to that remaining contamination, including to the cleanup and hazmat workers performing the remediations. Property owners were happy because it reduced their out-of-pocket cleanup costs (even as it arguably lowered future property values), and the Georgia EPD was happy because it meant less resources were needed for contentious enforcement actions, it avoided litigation, and the burden of future oversight was shifted from the State to the property owners.   

This approach to addressing contaminated land was institutionalized with the Georgia Uniform Environmental Covenant Act, which went into effect on July 1, 2008. Since then, more than 300 deed notices have been recorded on properties throughout Georgia. 

The EPD has gained experience with this approach over the past decade, but is now reporting instances where property owners claim to be unaware of the deed requirements or are failing to follow the requirements. As examples, they note:

• The owner of a property that contains landfill material was required to maintain a cap over portions of the property, perform annual reporting, and submit notice to EPD of any planned changes to the cap. Georgia learned that, in violation of the requirements, the owner had removed the concrete cap, graded the site, and covered it with soil and gravel.


• A property that contained lead-impacted soil had restrictions on land-disturbing activities and required erosion-control measures, worker protections, and annual reporting. However, a new owner moved the lead-impacted soil around on the property and into a stream buffer and stream, claiming to have no knowledge of the requirements.


• A property that requires groundwater monitoring and annual reporting was sold without notification to Georgia EPD, and required annual reports were not submitted. When the new owners were contacted, they claimed no knowledge of the monitoring and reporting requirements.


• Another owner reportedly did not sample all the required monitoring wells and then sold the property without notifying EPD or the buyer about the monitoring requirements.

These are all examples of where deed notices were in place but the engineering and institutional controls failed. Unfortunately, as the number of properties subject to these controls continues to grow, the number of violations like these will also increase. But rather than scrap the program and abandon the approach, Georgia EPD is proposing that, at a minimum, to ensure that these sites remain protective of human health and the environment, all future environmental deed notices notify the property owners of the requirements on their properties and alert the State to circumstances when follow up is needed. 

To this end, the State has announced development of a standardized Annual Certification form and an online reporting tool, and intends to send automated annual reminders to those associated with properties subject to environmental controls. 

In my years of consulting work, before my retirement, I found the use of engineering and institutional controls to be an effective approach to addressing contaminated land. It was certainly more cost effective and avoided a lot of the litigation associated with expensive remediation requirements. Like anything, there are always instances when bad actors or simple human nature can cause any approach to fail, but it is my hope that the changes proposed by EPD will allow this approach to continue in Georgia. 

It rained again today. I missed my walking day today.

 

Day of the Wand, 12th of the Dog Days, 526 M.E. (Castor): Google stats show that this blog gets 2,000 to 8,000 views per day, with 100 to 150 views per hour. I don't believe it.

First of all, why? Who would want to read this, and to what purpose? A certain percentage of views might be people who've stumbled onto a post here based on a keyword search in Google, but quickly moved on once they realized that nothing's being said here. I'm also doubtful because I've performed test searches on Google for key words used here, like "water dissolves water" for instance, and not received links to this blog.  

I think that if the Google stats are anything near correct, most of the views are really AI bots routinely scraping content on the internet, or spammers, cybercriminals, and hackers scanning the web for vulnerabilities. Some of the views might be my own, even though I keep telling Google Analytics not to track my own views, but I can assure you I don't view this blog anywhere even remotely close to a thousand times per day. Maybe two or three of those 2,000 to 8,000 daily views are mine, but that's about it.

For the record, I don't care. I'm not trying to monetize this blog and I'm not trying to get noticed or build a readership. In fact, I like the anonymity; I can be more honest that way. If you're reading this now, stop. Go away. A little privacy, please?           

Also, who reads anymore? A recent article in The Atlantic identified a worsening “literacy crisis” in the U.S. and beyond. Book reading is down substantially over the past twenty years, although reading of other material, Instagram Reels subtitles, emails, and Reddit posts, has taken its place. Literacy experts argue that deep thinking, textual comprehension, logical reasoning, and inference-making have been lost in the transition away from long-form books, and that we have entered a “post-literate” age. 

It’s a race to the bottom, and humanity is losing.

It's raining outside right now. Again. Fourth consecutive day with measurable rainfall, and eighth in the last ten days, and even when it hasn't been actively raining, it's been mostly overcast and oppressively humid. These Dog Days are wetter than I expected.

 

Day of the Dealt Hand, 11th of the Dog Days, 526 M.E. (Betelgeuse): U.S. Senator Lindsay Graham has died, age 71. Impermanence is swift.

I did not care for the politician and even though I did not know him personally, I imagine I would have liked the man even less. Still, a life ends and that in itself is sad - a tragedy, although an inevitable one. All life ends. Impermanence is swift. I'll leave the obituaries and the political analysis to the pundits, and if you want snarky remarks or performative tributes, open social media. Your mind is already made up about his legacy and there's nothing for me to say.

I cut my walk short today after a 1.9-mile Washington when I saw an approaching thunderstorm. I got in the house not five minutes before the wind started whipping and the thunder and lightning started crashing. But I wasn't sorry to cut things short - it was so humid today that it was unpleasant just being outside, mush less exercising. But still, a Washington - barely worth lacing up my hiking shoes.    

The storm has passed but I just took out the recyclables and it's still yuck outside.

Meanwhile, these languid days and nights continue to pass as if in a dream. I missed the anniversary, but as of June 30, I've been retired for seven years, and have pretty much managed not to do even a single productive thing.  

Billows of Possibility, 10th of the Dog Days, 526 M.E. (Aldebaran): The Okefenokee Swamp in Southeast Georgia is a natural treasure, an ecologically diverse biome and important freshwater resource. Water in the swamp is contained by natural beach ridges formed during the Pleistocene as sea level rose and fell. 

Did you ever notice on a map of Georgia that odd little area that hangs down along the southern border with Florida? It looks like a pair of tonsils, or a nut sack if you have a dirtier mind. That's Trail Ridge, one on those beach ridges, and it forms a natural dam that prevents swamp water in the Okefenokee from draining to the Atlantic. 

However, placer deposits in the beach ridges of Georgia and Florida are mined for titanium and zirconium. These ridges surround the Okefenokee and are enriched in rare-earth minerals, including ilmenite, monazite, and xenotime, that eroded from the Appalachian Mountains and accumulated in the sediments that constitute the beach ridges.  

Rare earth minerals are increasingly valuable for their usefulness in semiconductor and computer-chip manufacture. The demand for rare earth minerals, found mostly in China and Myanmar, has led to exploration for new sources, especially in North America.

Fortunately, the Okefenokee National Wildlife Refuge and surrounding wetlands are protected under the Endangered Species Act, which safeguards the habitats of the red-cockaded woodpecker, wood stork, eastern indigo snake, gopher tortoise and other federally listed fauna. These protections restrict activities on federal and adjacent lands that would jeopardize the survival of these species. 

Last year, a proposed strip mine along Trail Ridge for the rare-earth minerals titanium and zirconium was defeated, but not without great effort by environmental groups. But that was last year, and since then the demand for rare earths has only increased and the federal government's appetite for protection has only decreased.   

As discussed here yesterday, the Stable Genius has gutted key provisions of the Endangered Species Act, lessening the protection for habitats like the Okefenokee. The demand for rare earth minerals, driven by large AI operations and data centers, could well result in new proposals to mine and extract minerals from the beach ridges surrounding the swampland. 

It is not difficult to imagine the Stable Genius' administration brushing aside all environmental protections ("regulations and red tape") in a strategic effort to increase the U.S.'s share of the global rare-earth market. 

It's not like we're going to lose the new arms race for AI superiority to China over a woodpecker, am I right?

Grain Passage, 9th of the Dog Days, 526 M.E. (Helios): In his nearly unfathomable wisdom, the Stable Genius, too busy to sign the bipartisan housing bill ("a big yawn," he called it) that's been sitting on his desk for a week, today has repealed a crucial part of the Endangered Species Act. The replacement rule will open habitats of endangered wildlife to development, logging, mining and other uses.

For the last 50 years, the Endangered Species Act relied on a broad interpretation of the word “harm.” The broad interpretation ensured that not just plants and animals were protected, but also the habitats that are critical to their survival. The inclusion of habitat in the “harm” definition was upheld by the Supreme Court in 1995 in a case protecting old-growth forest for the endangered spotted owl.

But despite widespread public support of the Act and hundreds of thousands of public comments submitted opposing the change, the Stable Genius decided that the broader interpretation of "harm" was “regulatory intrusion that interfered with private property rights.” 

Habitat destruction is the single greatest driver of extinction. The Endangered Species Act has helped safeguard more than 1,700 species and their habitats, preventing 99% of those listed from going extinct, including the spotted owl and the bald eagle. Excluding habitat from the definition of "harm" could cause catastrophic damage to species already on the brink to extinction, and the loss of some of the most beautiful and pristine land in the country to exploitation. 

But should we have expected anything else from the Stable Genius? As a popular internet meme correctly points out, he's a convicted felon, an adjudicating rapist, and a pedophile-protecting, porn-star banging insurrectionist running a dumpster fire of an administration. 

Tonight, 600,000 homeless people will be sleeping on the street. Forty percent of adults can't cover a $400 emergency without borrowing money. Insulin costs more than a car payment and people are rationing it to survive. Medical debt is the number one cause of bankruptcy. Women are dying in hospital parking lots because doctors are too scared of abortion laws to treat a miscarriage.

The U.S. locks up more of its own citizens than any nation on earth. More than China. More than Russia. More than North Korea. The land of the free has two million people in cages, and a quarter of them haven't even been convicted of anything. They're just too poor to make bail.

Our life expectancy is going backwards, the only developed nation where that's happening. Our infant mortality rate is worse than Cuba's. Our kids do active shooter drills in school.

The minimum wage hasn't changed in 15 years. Teachers work two jobs to make ends meet and veterans sleep under bridges, all while the government spends one trillion dollars flattening a country that didn't attack us.

And now, we're going to open up the Okefenokee and the Everglades to strip mining, clear old growth forests and fell sequoias for timber, and open pristine Arctic lands for oil drilling. 

Other than some lobbyists and a handful of greedy industrialists, no one asked for this.

 

Bugling It, 8th of the Dog Days, 526 M.E. (Electra):  A recent poll showed that New York Mayor Zohran Mamdani is more popular among U.S. Jews than Bibi Netanyahu. Even the Stable Genius is getting sick of Bibi's shit. 

Yesterday, a 65-year-old Palestinian aid worker on his way to a World Cup watch party was killed by an Israeli airstrike. Israel claims it was targeting a Hamas militant, but admits to collateral casualties. That's been their go-to excuse for years now. 

A 65-year-old aid worker. On his way to a World Cup watch party. 73,000 Palestinians already killed and the Gaza Strip reduce to rubble. And yesterday's victim was not Hamas. In fact, he had been arrested and tortured by the group before the Oct. 7, 2023, attack because of his opposition to Hamas.

In the Old Testament Book of Psalms, it is written "Bring to an end the violence of the wicked and make the righteous secure" (Psalm 7:9). Another passage states, "In the words of the wicked, violence is  concealed" (Proverbs 10:6). A famous Jew, Jesus of Nazareth, once said, "All who draw the sword will die by the sword."  War is not the answer; eternal war even less so.   

 

Last Awe of Sentries, 7th of the Dog Days, 526 M.E. (Deneb): "We don't torture, we're a civilized nation" - The Au Pairs. 

We now have photographic evidence that Israel is torturing Palestinian prisoners. You've probably already seen the picture in the news. It's revolting and I won't link to it or copy it here: a man, face down on a cot, stripped to his boxer shorts, blindfolded, and a metal rod tied along the length of his body, from the base of his neck down to his right heel. 

More than 73,000 Palestinians have been killed in Gaza since October 7, 2023, with over 173,000 more injured. Several thousand are missing, presumed dead beneath the rubble. In the West Bank and East Jerusalem, over 1,000 Palestinians have also been killed during the same period.

Sympathy for Palestinian men, women and children, and horror at the sheer scale of the killing isn't antisemitism. It's called being an empathic human being. Israel has a right to exist and has a right to defend itself, but this isn't that. This is genocide, no matter how vigorously they deny it and (some) U.S. politicians don't want to hear it.

Out of concern and respect for Israeli lives, the killing and torture has to stop. Violence only begets more violence, hate only generates more hate. Do Israelis really believe there will be no reprisals for their horrific actions? If only there were some book or reference to provide Israel with moral guidance . . . 

This issue has been talked to death over the last several years. It's been the subject of editorials, op-eds, op-op-eds, panel discussions, and social media frenzy. I have nothing to add to the conversation that hasn't already been said, but in light of the recent torture evidence, I cannot be silent. 

Stop the war. Stop the killing. Stop the hate. Just stop it!            

 

Tremendous and Sheer, 6th of the Dog Days, 526 M.E. (Castor): I finally beat Volgin last night and have moved on in the game, for those of you keeping score at home. 

Back in 2009, I came across an enthused coworker in the office. He was hunched over his phone, and let out a loud cheer over what he was seeing. When I asked what he was so excited about, he said that it was just announced that the 2016 Olympics will be held in Rio.

"You a big Brazil fan?," I asked.  He didn't look or sound Brazilian. No, he answered, he was just glad that the Olympics hadn't selected L.A., because newly elected President Obama had been lobbying the Olympics Steering Committee to bring the games to the U.S., and he didn't want Obama to get any credit. For anything.

I thought his attitude was narrow-minded and bigoted, not to mention unpatriotic. But now, some 17 years later, I find myself in a similar situation. I was glad last night when I saw that the U.S. Men's National Team had been eliminated from World Cup competition by Belgium. Not that I'm a big Belgium fan, but the Stable Genius got himself involved in the competition by petitioning FIFA to overturn a red card against star U.S. player, Folarin Balogun. FIFA complied, the first time a red card suspension had been overturned since 1962. 

The Stable Genius had put his fat, stunted thumb on the scale in the U.S.'s favor, and so I was glad the team lost because I didn't want the Stable Genius to get any credit or to hear him gloat. I have become just like that coworker who was so excited that the U.S. had lost the Olympic games to Brazil.

The irony about the Stable Genius' intervention was the player in question was only eligible to play for the USMNT because of the Constitution's birthright citizenship clause, which the Stable Genius had tied to get annulled. Balogun's Nigerian mother had visited the U.S. while pregnant, and gave birth to him on American soil after she was denied boarding on a flight home by an attendant concerned about her medical condition (she understandably didn't want to assist a live birth at 40,000 feet over the Atlantic). So basically, he's against birthright citizenship except in cases where he thinks it might make him popular.

The Stable Genius fucks up everything he touches. He's ruined the White House and is working on ruining the rest of D.C. He's ruined the Presidency and the U.S.'s reputation and popularity abroad. He's ruined countless U.S. agencies. He ruined America's 250th Anniversary and he's ruined the World Cup. He's like a reverse King Midas - everything he touches turns to shit.

The Stable Genius is a malignant tumor on the undescended testicle on the American body politic.

Go, Belgium! We're all Brussel Sprouts now!