Child Found Within the Tree, 14th of the Dog Days, 526 M.E. (Electra): Jury duty. I've been summoned about a half dozen times since moving to Fulton County, Georgia in 2004, but only served once. Other times, I was either dismissed after hanging around the courtroom for a day or received a dismissal notification the evening before.
I received a summons to serve in the mail on Monday, the first time since my retirement. You'd think that since I'm no longer working, I'd be glad to serve. After all, I have nothing else to do with my days. You'd think.
But since retirement in 2019, something inside me has broke. I am no longer capable of getting up early in the morning or to be fully functional much before noon. I generally sleep until 7:00 or 8:00 am, read in bed or snooze a little for an hour or so, and I'm not usually up and about until around 9:00. I'm not proud of that but I'm not ashamed either - it is what it is. I'm an old man, I'm retired, and I don't get up early for no one.
Jury service begins each day at Futon County courthouse in downtown Atlanta at 8:30 am. To be there on time, I'd have to drive downtown in Atlanta's notorious morning rush-hour traffic, park in the designated juror's lot (they included a parking pass in the summons), take the shuttle bus to the courthouse, and pass through security. I'd have to get up by 6:30 am to do all that and leave some time for breakfast and coffee and at last a modicum of personal hygiene.
In other words, it ain't gonna happen.
Even if I rallied my sleepy ass and pulled it off for one day, if selected for a trial, it's exponentially less likely that I'd pull it off two or more days in a row. If the trial went into a second or third day, it would only be a matter of time before I'd oversleep and get a contempt-of-court citation for failure to appear.
Fortunately for me, residents over the age of 70 are excused from service. But not automatically - to be excused based on age, one has to fill out an age affidavit also included in the summons, get it notarized and scanned, and upload it to the court's website (no email). I'm capable of all those things, but it is asking a lot from senior citizens, who are notoriously incompetent with technology.
I had to go to the UPS Store to get the affidavit notarized ($14.00) and scanned. I logged onto the website and set up an account. Users are only allowed to request exemptions or deferrals after completing a "juror's questionnaire," which wanted all kinds of information on age, sex, and race, employment history, marital status, and spouse's employment history. After completing all of that, I clicked on "request exemption," and uploaded the completed and notarized affidavit.
I was pleased that within the half hour I received an email from a Fulton County "no-reply" account. I was displeased that the email title was a terse "Denied" and that the text stated "To be deferred, a juror must be over 70 years of age and submit a proper affidavit."
THAT'S WHAT I JUST DID, YOU ABOMINABLE BOT! What was wrong with my request? I am over 70 (I turn 72 later this month) and I included a fully completed and notarized affidavit. But how do you reply to a "no reply" email?
I went back to the website, logged back on to my account, and tried to repeat the questionnaire, but was denied access. I re-uploaded the affidavit, although the original upload was still there. That's when I got a second email from Mr. No Reply, this time titled "Disqualification Granted."
"Based on the information provided, you have been excused from jury service." That's it. No explanation, or apology for the earlier email. I can only assume that some clerk somewhere deep in the bowels of the courthouse just reflexively issued the denial email before realizing that the affidavit proving my eligibility had been submitted. At least they corrected their error, even though without explanation or apology.
So I don't have jury service after all, and I'm not getting arrested for failure to appear. Crisis averted and I get to continue to sleep late, but at least I had something to do today.
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