Day of the Swan, 55th Day of Autumn, 526 M.E. (Electra):  I wasn't going to talk about this, but it's been bothering me and I want to get it off my chest so that hopefully it will follow and get out of my head. My cardiologist, as specialized physicians tend to be, is an older man. Not as old as me, few humans are this old, but still old. He's probably well off financially, as specialized physicians tend to be.

So should it be any surprise that an older, wealthy, white male living in Georgia is a conservative? Demographically, I probably should be as well. I fit the profile, except for the wealthy part, but then wealth is relative - some people might consider me well off, at least compared to them.

My cardiologist probably made that demographic assumption about me and tried to establish some level of camaraderie at the start of last week's appointment by mentioning some personal, one-on-one conversations he's had with the repulsive Georgia Republican gubernatorial candidate, Rick Jackson (immigrants who don't assimilate to American culture should be either "deported or departed," victims should have to prove they were raped to qualify for one of Georgia's few abortion exemptions, and if elected he'll be the Stable Genius' "favorite governor," etc.). 

Personal, one-on-one conversations sound like the kind of privilege that a campaign donor gets, and cardiology specialists sound like the kind of person politicians seek out as donors. It turns out my cardiologist, the man I have to entrust with my literal life, is a MAGA Republican. Which again, shouldn't be a surprise, demographically, for a wealthy, white, older dude in Georgia. But I didn't expect him to brag about it.

"We'll be in good hands with Jackson in office," he tried to assure me. I cut him off and told him I'm on the opposite end of the political spectrum and that I personally found Jackson not only loathsome, but alarming. That's okay, the doctor replied, I treat all patients equally. "If someone needs my help, I don't care if they're Black or White, man or woman, Republican or Democrat," he said. "I treat them all the best I can."

I should fucking hope so, you bigoted asshole, I wanted to say (but didn't). That's the bare fucking minimum of the Hippocratic Oath. It should go without saying. But now I know that somewhere in his reptilian mind, he's thinking, "I'll treat this patient despite his personal and political shortcomings because I'm so generous with my talents," or something along those lines, as if he were Albert Schweitzer or something for accepting a Democrat as a patient.   

That's why I hate the idea of "tolerance." "Tolerance" holds that there are others who are somehow odious, undeserving, loathsome, or deficient, but you can still allow them in your presence because you have this special quality that make you exceptionally generous and forgiving of their shortcomings.

Fuck tolerance. Show me intimacy, show me that you don't recognize differences or judge people as needy or not of your goddamn saintly "tolerance." 

Anyway, my life and my ischemic heart depend on getting quality medical attention and care, and fate and the blind lottery of the Doctor to whom I'm assigned is (unsurprisingly) a MAGA Republican. Like I said, I probably would have assumed such and wouldn't have asked, and I certainly didn't expect to have his views shoved in my face or get a lecture on the upcoming gubernatorial election and the supposed virtues of Rick Fucking Jackson. 

In any event, he changed the subject and tried to find a middle ground by saying that at least we can both agree on the need for tort reform. Again, I told him I whole-heartedly disagreed. We have a constitutional right to a trial for civil grievances, and a jury of our peers might be the only place a single individual such as myself might even be close to equal footing with large corporations and big business. "Tort reform" is a political strategy to reduce corporate exposure and limit civilian's access to the courts for a redress of grievances.   

But since a doctor is much more likely to be the defendant than the plaintiff in a lwwsuit, he couldn't see my point, and sniffed that in Europe and England, people don't sue their doctors like they do here in America. "Why would people want to sue their own doctors?," he whined. I countered that in Europe and England, where people have access to free or low-cost socialized health care, and where medical bills aren't the number one reason for personal bankruptcies, people may be less inclined to be litigious. "Let's get Medicare for All passed first, then we can talk about tort reform," I proposed.

This was so goddamned awkward. I was having a political argument with my cardiologist. A man who already indicated that he feels its only his own "tolerance" that allows him to treat "wrong-headed" and undeserving people like me. 

My follow appointment isn't until six months from now, so we probably won't see each other again until then . Hopefully, we'll have both forgotten about this unpleasantness the next time we meet.