End of All Doubt, 72nd Day of Hagwinter, 525 M.E. (Electra): The most honest answer I can give when asked, "Do you believe in God?," is "I don't know what you're talking about." 

Setting aside philosophical questions of what "believe" even means, or Zen skepticism about the existence of a separate "self" and "other," I have no idea what the person asking means by "God." Even if I know their religion or faith, there's still a lot of potential variations in what they personally conceive of as "God." 

When I ask them, "What do you mean by 'God'?," they seem surprised and often resent the question. They usually answer first in the negative, saying "Well, I don't mean an old man with a white beard in the clouds," or "not a specific person in the human sense" but some greater power. When they answer in the negative like that, telling me what God "isn't," it tells me that they never thought much about what it is they profess to believe. 

When I'm asked, more broadly, if I believe in a creator, I assume they're implying that their God is that creator. If so, where was God when he (for lack of divine pronouns) created the heavens and the Earth? What realm was he in, and who created that realm? "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth." Where was he when doing that creating, and who or what created "God"? 

People usually get annoyed at that point in the conversation and think that I'm just trying to avoid an answer. But if I don't know what they're referring to, how can I truthfully reply? When I'm in a deposition and asked "Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?" I just go along with the intent of the question and say, "yes," although the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth would be, "I don't know what you're talking about."  

In Islamic theology, God’s absolute oneness and incomparability is beyond human comprehension, making any depiction of Allah inherently incorrect and potentially misleading. Likewise, the Abrahamic Ten Commandments prohibits graven images. If there were to exist a higher power that created the entire universe in all its infinite complexity, including its own realm of existence (whatever that may be), as well as possibly its own self, it probably is beyond the finite capacity of the human brain to comprehend. 

It is beyond a matter of merely believing or not believing. It is a matter of accepting that the limits of human understanding and comprehension take precedent over our beliefs. An earthworm doesn't believe or disbelieve in the mathematical concept of 𝛑, as an earthworm isn't equipped to even conceive of mathematics, geometric theory, or 𝛑.

Given the probability that if there were some higher-power creator, it would be beyond the capabilities of our minds to comprehend, any idea that we may have is incomplete, insufficient, and misleading, much like the Islamic concerns about artistic depiction. Therefore, whatever we think God "is," God isn't, even with regards to the question of is or isn't. 

If I told you that in the next room I have the last thing you'd ever expect, you would never know what it was. Even after millions of guesses, billions of guesses, there would always be at least one more guess, an infinite number of guesses, so that any guess would never be "the last." Even if I showed it to you, and your guess would be it's what you just saw right there in front of you, there would still be potentially at least one more guess (maybe it's not what I just showed you). It's a Schrödinger's box where the waveform never collapses.

So it is with God. We can't and never will know what it is. It's beyond our comprehension. But for millennia we've kept making "one more guess." And if we don't know what it is, how can we believe or disbelieve in its existence or nonexistence? 

It's really a sort of ultimate koan.

Today was a sitting day. These are among the thoughts I observed as I sat observing my thoughts.