We're told that every day, a 40-foot tree takes in 50 gallons of dissolved nutrients from the soil, raises this mixture to its topmost leaves, converts it into 10 pounds of carbohydrates, and releases about 60 cubic feet of pure oxygen into the air.
Big deal. We're not impressed. Why do they have to be 40 feet tall? Who do they think they are, anyway, Bill de Blasio? Why do trees have to put all those tons of timber so far up over our heads? We think they’re just planning to kill us. Revenge for polluting the planet and for clear cutting, maybe?
Fun fact: giant sequoias deliberately drop high branches from time to time to keep other seedlings from growing up too close around them. And you thought trees were such noble and eco-friendly beings. Well, news flash - they kill other trees!
Fun fact: giant sequoias deliberately drop high branches from time to time to keep other seedlings from growing up too close around them. And you thought trees were such noble and eco-friendly beings. Well, news flash - they kill other trees!
Anyway, Tolkien was right - trees are nothing but evil Ents out after our lives.
And what about shrubs? Why don't they get any credit? Mountain laurels and bushes sequester just as much carbon and release just as much oxygen as trees, but don’t feel the need to put hundreds of tons of lumber up over our cars, houses and heads, and then threaten to kill us during each and every thunderstorm. Trees suck, man.
And don’t even get us started on grasslands and lichens.
And hemp!
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