Monday, April 16, 2018

Five Greatest Songs of All Time (Kick-Ass Edition)


Sometimes, we're just through with being nice.  We're done being all kind and polite.  Sometimes, we just want to kick some ass, while other times, we just want our asses kicked.

Here are the five GOAT songs that kick ass.  We suggest that you play them as loudly as you can, and with the windows wide open.  Don't worry about what others may think - the sheer brutality of these five songs will protect you from any harm.

You've been warned.

For those wanting a little explanation of what's inside these cuts, Preview is from the vastly underappreciated 1968 eponymous LP by The Jazz Composer's Orchestra, featuring the late great Cecil Taylor (RIP) and a young Gato Barbieri, and the cut below features one of the most intense and ferocious tenor saxophone solos ever recorded - quite possibly, the most intense and ferocious tenor solo even possible. If you think all jazz has to sound like Kenny G, you HAVE to listen to this, and all the way through.   

Blank Frank is from Brian Eno's 1974 Here Come the Warm Jets and the song not only anticipates and predates both punk rock and post-punk, but both New Wave and No Wave as well. According to MTV, the track "represents the most sacrilegious deconstruction ever of the basic Bo Diddley beat, including a guitar break seemingly intending (and undeniably succeeding at) an imitation of a machine-gun volley."  

Mr. Bungle's My Ass Is On Fire (1989) is here for obvious reasons, and most especially for its "redundant" closing.  We had hard metal before, and we had heard punk before, and we had heard ska before, and we had heard prog before, but until Mr. Bungle, we had never heard them all played in the same song, often at the same time.  This John Zorn-produced LP blew out minds nearly 30 years ago and still does now.

The Dream was selected from the much larger number of candidate songs from Thee Oh Sees discography that could rightfully qualify for this list because of the way this 2011 track so successfully shows how garage rock can capture the sensation of riding down an urban highway in a ridiculously unsafe car with no seat belts or brakes. 

Finally, the list couldn't be considered complete without something from Swans, and while you could easily compile a Top Five list of kick-ass songs by just Swans alone, even that list wouldn't be complete without Michael Gira screaming "Your name is Fuck!" while the chorus chants "Allelujah!" That's at the 10:45 mark, but please do check out the entire piece for all-important context and to understand how She Loves Us (2014) is actually about surrendering one's soul to a female deity, or something like that. 

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