Day of the Icon, 22nd of the Dog Days, 526 M.E. (Aldebaran): Every season in the New Revised Universal Solar Calendar has a five-day sequence of repeating day names. In Childwinter, it was the five Days of the Hammer; in spring, the season of the vernal equinox, it was the five Days of the Zenith; and in Midsommar, the season of the summer solstice, it was the five Days of Light. There are no orbital events of note during the Dogs Days, but we do have Barkley, and today is the first of the Days of the Icon.

During my third period of meditation today, the concept for a screenplay leapt fully formed into my imagination: a modern-day adaptation of Shakespeare's As You Like It set among the REI, through-hiking community. The mise-en-scène takes advantage of the natural beauty of the southern Appalachians and contains realistic sequences of trail-hiking, climbing, and camping, along with witty repartee and clever dialogue and use of modern minimalist music in the soundtrack.

Here's the pitch - two whip-smart and clever sisters, Rosalind and Cecilia, avid outdoors enthusiasts and experienced long-distance hikers, are dismayed about a recent spate of reported violent assaults on the Appalachian Trail. For their own safety, they decide to hike a section of the trail disguised as men. Rosalind shocks Cecilia by taking a shaver to her head and shearing her long hair down to a buzz cut and, trying to think of the most macho, manly name she could come up with, decides on "Gunner" after Cecilia rejects "Butch," "Bubba," and "Rocky" as too obvious. So it's Gunner, Gunner Meade in full. Cecilia decides that a Muslim name would be intimidating and chooses "Ali," "Ali Anniya" after Rosalind rejects "Halal" as sounding too much like "Annie Hall" (note: the cross-dressing characters in As You Like It are Ganymede and Alienna). 

"Gunner" and "Ali" head out on the trail with their dog, Touchstone, tagging along with them. and reasonably pass for two young men. They come across other hikers at shelters, overlooks, and waterfalls, and their disguises hold up. However, one group of macho male hikers suspects them of being a gay couple and teases them, but one of those macho men develops a fixation on "Gunner" and eventually declares he's fallen in love ("I've never felt this way about a guy before"). A hiker from another group of openly gay hikers likewise falls in love with "Gunner," and the two competing suitors embark on a comical competition for his/her favor. 

Meanwhile, the two women, still in disguise, come across a quarrelling couple on the trail. The woman, confident in her attractiveness and quite full of herself, thinks of herself as somehow better than her partner and lets him know that, but Rosalind, as Gunnar, uses her scathing wit to put the narcissistic woman down, insulting her appearance and noting details that only another woman is likely to perceive. The woman is flabbergasted and has probably never been criticized for her looks before, and tries to challenge "Gunnar's" opinion. This ultimately leads to an attempted seduction, and the woman finds herself also in love with "Gunner" as well.

Rosalind and Ali try to keep their distance from "Gunner's" many admirers - the whole purpose of the disguises was to avoid attention! - but one or the other, or combinations of all three, keep showing up to impress and flatter "him" and outcompete the others. Ali finally announces that Gunnar has had enough, that he's made his decision on who he most likes, and will announce his preference at the next trailhead. 

As they approach the trailhead, Gunnar convinces the quarrelling couple that they're really best suited for each other - who else would put up with all their shit and bickering? In a clearing near the trailhead, she finally reveals her true identity (and gender) by stripping bare in the forest (strategically placed ferns and rhododendron keep the scene from being raunchy or exploitative) and convinces the macho hiker and the gay hiker that each one's preferences are actually best met by each other. She also reveals that she and Cecilia (Ali) are actually sisters and that theirs is actually the best and happiest friendship among all of the other hikers in the forest. As they finally reach the trailhead, an older couple, presumably their parents, lovingly greets them from a minivan. 

Cut to credits.

In lieu of paying me royalties, if you make the movie and turn a profit, you can donate money to the Benton Mackaye Association.