Faint Praise

Throughout his life (1880 - 1965), Kodo Sawaki was unconventional and dynamic. He was the type of person who embodied in himself the image of ancient Zen masters like Baso.

Kosho Uchiyama felt drawn to Sawaki Roshi and in 1941 became one of his disciples. Uchiyami recalls asking his teacher, "If I study under you and practice zazen for as long as you are able to teach, can I become a stronger person?" Sawaki Roshi immediately replied, "No, you can't, no matter how hard you try. I did not become the person I am because of zazen. By nature I am this way. I haven't changed since my youth."

When he heard the response to his question, Uchiyama thought, "I can become a stronger person through zazen. He said otherwise, but that was just talk." With this belief, be served him and continued practicing zazen until Sawaki Roshi died.

"Thinking back to my past," Uchiyama later wrote, "I now understand that there is no use to doing zazen. I am still a coward and never became even a little like Sawaki Roshi. A violet blossoms as a violet and a rose blossoms as a rose. For violets, there is no need to produce rose blossoms."

That story says a lot about the nature of enlightenment. Enlightenment is not something that we lack but can someday attain, and before and after awakening nothing really changes. There are those who are attracted to one specific Zen teacher or another because of the teacher's magnetism or the strength of their personality or the kindness that they manifest, and hope that by studying and practicing with that teacher, they can become more like him or her.

But that, as Uchiyama found out, is a mistake. Zazen does not transform you into someone else - if anything, it allows you to be you, just as you are. Some people are good teachers because that is in their nature, other people just happen to have strong personalities, and some people are just exceptionally kind. But that's who they are - practice-enlightenment or awakening didn't make them that way. Some people who are fully awakened make just god-awful teachers, because teaching is not in their nature. Some people, like Uchiyama Roshi, remained self-described cowards all their lives. Enlightenment changes nothing, because we had buddha-nature, the potential for awakening, all along.

Some people at the practice center I attend have become disappointed by the teacher, have lost confidence in him, and have stopped practicing with him. They have seen that he still has attachments to wealth, to authority, and to recognition, and they have shared in the suffering that inevitably arises from these attachments. They have seen that he's not, in fact, that great a teacher.

But these faults have nothing to do with practice-enlightenment or with awakening. I've seen those same faults years ago, and have persevered with my studies and practice with him (although, to be honest, with a little bit of distancing for our mutual protection). These faults are part of his nature, and my admiration for him is only increased by his continued, life-long commitment to practice despite these obstacles. As Zen Master Dogen once said, "If a lay person learning the Way still clings to wealth, covets comfortable housing, and keeps company with relatives, despite having the aspiration, he will confront many obstacles in learning the Way" (Shobogenzo Zuimonki, Chapter 3-11).

But these obstacles and weaknesses do not mean that enlightenment cannot be manifested in practice. Despite these short-comings, my teacher was accepted by, and received dharma transmission from, no less an authority than Shohaku Okumura. Okumura, it should be noted, was a student of Uchiyama Roshi, who after his years with Sawaki Roshi, probably knew a thing or two about recognizing awakened individuals.