Daoism: Shit happens.

Hinduism: This shit has happened before.

Islam: Shit will happen if our demands aren't met.

Buddhism: When shit happens, is it really shit?

7th Day Adventists: Shit happens on Saturdays.

Protestantism: Shit won't happen if I work harder.

Catholicism: If shit happens, I deserve it.

Jehovah's Witness: Knock, knock. "Shit happens."

Judaism: Why does shit always happen to me?

Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama lama ding dong.

Athiesm: No shit.

Zen: Neither shit nor no-shit, but non-shit.

T.V. Evangelism: Send more shit.

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.