- Thou shalt not steal if there is a direct victim.
- Thou shalt not worship pop idols or follow lost prophets.
- Thou shalt not take the names of Johnny Cash, Joe Strummer, Johnny Hartman, Desmond Decker, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix or Syd Barret in vain.
- Thou shalt not think that any male over the age of 30 that plays with a child that is not their own is a pedophile. Some people are just nice.
- Thou shalt not read NME.
- Thall shalt not stop liking a band just because they’ve become popular.
- Thou shalt not question Stephen Fry.
- Thou shalt not judge a book by it’s cover.
- Thou shalt not judge Lethal Weapon by Danny Glover.
- Thall shalt not buy Coca-Cola products.
- Thou shalt not buy Nestle products.
- Thou shalt not go into the woods with your boyfriend’s best friend, take drugs and cheat on him.
- Thou shalt not fall in love so easily.
- Thou shalt not use poetry, art or music to get into girls’ pants. Use it to get into their heads.
- Thou shalt not watch Hollyoakes.
- Thou shalt not attend an open mic and leave as soon as you're done just because you’ve finished your shitty little poem or song you self-righteous prick.
- Thou shalt not return to the same club or bar week in, week out just ’cause you once saw a girl there that you fancied but you’re never gonna fucking talk to.
- Thou shalt not put musicians and recording artists on ridiculous pedestals no matter how great they are or were. The Beatles were just a band. Led Zepplin - just a band. The Beach Boys - just a band. The Sex Pistols - just a band. The Clash - just a band. Crass - just a band. Minor Threat - just a band.
- The Cure were just a band. The Smiths - just a band. Nirvana - just a band. The Pixies - just a band. Oasis - just a band. Radiohead - just a band. Bloc Party - just a band. The Arctic Monkeys - just a band. The Next Big Thing - just a band.
- Thou shalt give equal worth to tragedies that occur in non-English speaking countries as to those that occur in English speaking countries.
- Thou shalt remember that guns, bitches and bling were never part of the four elements and never will be.
- Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music.
- Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music.
- Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music.
- Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music.
- Thou shalt not pimp my ride.
- Thou shalt not scream if you wanna go faster.
- Thou shalt not move to the sound of the wickedness.
- Thou shalt not "Make some noise for Detroit."
- When I say “Hey” thou shalt not say “Ho”.
- When I say “Hip” thou shalt not say “Hop”.
- When I say "He say, she say, we say, make some noise" - kill me.
- (Uh, I forgot where I was) Thou shalt not quote me happy.
- Thou shalt not shake it like a polaroid picture.
- Thou shalt not wish your girlfriend was a freak like me.
- Thou shalt spell the word “Pheonix” P-H-E-O-N-I-X not P-H-O-E-N-I-X, regardless of what the Oxford English Dictionary tells you.
- Thou shalt not express your shock at the fact that Sharon got off with Bradley at the club last night by saying “Is it?"
- Thou shalt think for yourselves.
- And thou shalt always kill.
Precepts for a modern age.
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