The Horror

I've recently discovered that my blog has very different effects on some than I had anticipated.

Two weeks ago, while I was visiting Boston on my way to Dad's memorial service in Maine, I updated my blog from my mother's house using her Mac. I was disappointed to see that the blog looked very different on her Mac than it did on my PC. I'm not sure if it's a Mac thing or just the way she had set her screen preferences (in any event I wasn't going to change them and mess things up for her), but on her computer, there was no left-hand margin before the text, and most of the sidebar information wasn't visible, and what was visible looked very poor.

Now, one can argue that it's the content, not the appearance, that's important, but let's face it: I put a lot of work into the pictures that I post so obviously the visual aspect is important to me, and a poorly designed web site can prevent a casual surfer from reading the content.

I wanted to show her what it should look like, so while we were at my sister's house later that weekend, I brought the site up on her PC. My sister and her husband were there, along with me and my Mom. What disappointed me was that while I was scrolling down the page, my sister instinctively put her hand over the screen and averted her eyes in repulsion.

"What's wrong?," I asked, and she replied that she found my blog to be disturbing and at times even horrifying. Squeamishly, she peeked over her hands a little, ready to look away if necessary, the way one might if one came across a site of graphic pictures of automobile accidents or childbirth.

My mother jumped right in and said she often had the same reaction, and was still disturbed by a picture I posted several months ago under the heading "Zen Porn." (By the way, I still get a lot of hits from Googling monkeys looking for Zen porn, whatever that is.)

This is distressing. It's not my intention to horrify anyone, or turn anyone away. The pictures I select for posting are generally chosen for their relation to what I'm discussing, and while there are occasional non sequiters, for the most part, I'm trying to discuss the Buddhadharma, my life and, well, these strange times. But it seems my own family looks at it as if were a particularly gruesome freak show.

Okay, I'll admit the picture above was selected for its shock value, but once again it relates to the content of this post.

The words of a bodhisattva are gentle, calming, and reassuring. If my message here alarms or shocks, I'm not speaking in the voice of a bodhisattva, and the whole point of this blog is lost. On the other hand, were I to post nothing but pictures of flowers and kittens and say that everything's all right, denying the existence of suffering, then the blog wouldn't be genuine, or truthful.

What a dilemma!

I can only be myself, and express myself in the way that's natural for me. If my words or images upset, offend or disturb, I deeply regret it, but I will not change. Can not change.

So, in closing, all I can say is. . . BOO!