Bidding a Soldier Farewell

By Alison Waldman
Published in the Asbury Park Press 02/12/05

NEPTUNE -- In the week following the death of Sgt. Stephen R. Sherman, family and friends gathered to share stories about the fallen soldier — some evoking laughter, others bringing tears.

"We Irish have long ago learned the healing power of stories," said the Rev. Brian Butch of Holy Innocents Roman Catholic Church.

At the memorial Mass Friday for the 27-year-old Neptune man who died Feb. 3 in Iraq, family, friends and even strangers gathered to share the story of Sherman's life. Through music, words, laughter and tears, they remembered Sherman and bid him goodbye.

Rev. Butch spoke of a young man with a sharp mind, good looks and a caring heart. A man who used his time and talents — from athletics to music — to help others. "He excelled in life," Butch said. "He reached out in love to so many people."

With a vision of a better world, one where faith could be practiced freely, Sherman went to Iraq, Butch said. "Stephen chose to go and bring light into a place of great darkness."

Sherman died near Mosul after a homemade bomb hit the vehicle in which he was traveling, according to the Army and his family.

He had enlisted in the Army in April 2003, completing basic and advanced individual training as a chemical operations specialist by the following October. He was deployed to Iraq a year later with his unit — the 1st Battalion, 5th Infantry Regiment, 25th Infantry Division out of Fort Lewis, Wash. — serving as a nuclear, biological, chemical noncommissioned officer.

While in Iraq, he developed a fondness for its children. When writing to the classes of his cousins, he would ask them to pray for the children of Iraq.

In their eulogies, Sherman's three younger siblings described a caring big brother who always looked out for them. He was a source of inspiration and encouragement, they said.

"Stephen did more in 27 years than most people do in 100," said his younger brother, Eddie, who shared a tale from a canoeing trip in Canada he took with Sherman. He said his brother carried a canoe for two miles and then returned to help others along the trail.

"He was my hero long before he suited up and went to war," said Danny, his other brother.

Sherman's youngest sibling, Caitlin, struggled through tears as she told the crowd of several hundred people that the real loss was for those who never knew her brother. "I will go on in life a stronger, better, more able person because I knew him," Caitlin said. "We were lucky."

Sherman's uncles, Tim and Terry Wildeman, followed their eulogies with a heartfelt performance of "Ripple" by the Grateful Dead, one of Sherman's favorite bands.

Some who came to Friday's service said they felt compelled to attend although they never knew Sherman. "We just wish that we had," said Cheryl Chando of the Normandy Beach section of Dover Township. Her son shared a class with one of his cousins, she said.

As the service drew to a close, mourners flowed out of the church into the cold, dark night, each carrying a lighted candle. They huddled together in silence as bag pipers played and Sherman's casket — draped with the American flag — was placed into a waiting hearse.

He will buried Monday in Arlington National Cemetery with full military honors.

Postscript - Sgt. Stephen R. Sherman was the nephew of a co-worker of mine - Shokai