Politics

A few thoughts on the presidential debates:

Last Wednesday's third and final debate was a bit of a disappointment, not because Kerry didn't overwhelmingly win, but because the whole thing gave me a sense of deja vu - the content sounded just like the previous two debates. Was anything new actually said?

I suppose with the polls tied 48-48, and the race so polarized that voters are not likely to switch candidates no matter what either one says (anyone who is still undecided at this point is either retarded or lying), the strategy now is probably just to get the better turnout. Whoever motivates the larger constituency to turn out at the polls and vote will be our next president. So both sides just keep repeating the time-tested mantras that seem to most motivate their followers, or try to scare the public with what might happen if the other candidate were to win. Bush's comments about "the most liberal Senator in Congress" wasn't meant to dissuade any Democrats from voting for Kerry, but to mobilize Republicans to show up and vote to prevent "another Ted Kennedy" from being president. Similarly, Kerry's litany of complaints about Bush's record don't sound like reasons to vote against him to Republicans, but reminds Democrats what they need to go to the polls to prevent.

Salon.com really nailed it when they said, "We heard all sorts of things in the six hours of debates that came to a close Wednesday night in Tempe. We heard about 'hard work' and a 'comprehensive strategy' in the war on terror. We heard about 'going it alone.' We heard George W. Bush start and abort a weird joke about altered documents from CBS. We heard both John Edwards and John Kerry make gratuitous comments about Mary Cheney's sexual orientation. And God knows we heard a few things about No Child Left Behind.

"Here's are some words we didn't hear:

"Chads. Butterfly ballots. Disenfranchisement. Ralph Nader. Dick Cheney's energy task force. The Arctic National Wildlife Reserve. Duck hunting with Antonin Scalia. Fuel efficiency. SUVs. Mars.

"Bush's bulge. Jim Jeffords. Paul O'Neill. Richard Clarke. Valerie Plame. Venezuela. Peru. Haiti. Hunger. MoveOn. Lawrence v. Texas. Jim McGreevey. Martha Stewart. The lockbox.

"Jose Padilla. Yaser Hamdi. Guantanamo Bay. The death penalty. Miguel Estrada. Judge Roy Moore. Swift Boat Veterans for Truth. Texas Air National Guard. Alabama. AWOL. The order to shoot down civilian aircraft. 'The Pet Goat.'

"Ahmed Chalabi. Jessica Lynch. Danny Pearl.

"Terror alerts. The Presidential Daily Brief. Condoleezza Rice. Fishing. 'Greeted as liberators.' Abu Ghraib."

Pretty good, but here's a few more words that both the candidates and Salon.com left out:

"Skipper, the island is sinking." Teabagging. "Don't open that closet, McGee." Albania. Biscotti. "De plane, de plane!" Walnut hull dye. World's Largest anything. Congressman Wayne Hayes and Fanne Foxe. Spruce Goose. Gandy Goose. A-Rod's batting average. Burl Ives. Rubber bullets. The Time Tunnel.

Harlequin Romances. Dame Edna. Any mention of any classical composer or performer. Encyclopedia Brown. "Jane, stop this crazy thing." Bernard Buffet. Parchesi. Moulin Rouge. Frappe vs. milk shake. Motherfucker.

Pastiche. Beer bong. Xenophobia. Xylophone. Sunny Tufts. "Ix-nay on the atulence-flay." Flibbity jibbit. Marlboro Man. Chrome. Herb Albert. Allen Sherman. K-Tel's Funky Sounds of the Seventies. "Toss my salad." Those glow-in-the-dark sticks that they sell at rock concerts.

Remember when Bush said, "I remember going on an airplane in Bangor, Maine, to say thanks to the reservists and Guard that were headed overseas from Tennessee and North Carolina, Georgia. Some of them had been there before. The people I talked to their spirits were high. They didn't view their service as a back-door draft. They viewed their service as an opportunity to serve their country"?

What did he think they were instructed to say to the Commander in Chief? According to Gen. John Abizaid, US Central Command Commander (no, the title is not a joke. He really is the Central Command Commander. Well, okay, it IS a joke, but military people seldom see the humor in it), "None of us that wear this uniform are free to say anything disparaging about the Secretary of Defense or the President of the United States. We're not free to do that. It's our professional code. Whatever action may be taken, whether it's a verbal reprimand or something more stringent, is up the commanders on the scene."

Cheney's remarks about John Edwards' attendance at Senate votes were also a mistake in retrospective. No only did he leave himself open to the inevitable documentation of every time they met after he said "Tonight's the first time I met you" (including the photographs of them sitting side by side at a Senate prayer breakfast), but it also ignores the fact that Edwards' attendance was better than Gephart's or Lieberman's, who were also running for president. The fact is, no vote was affected by any of their absences.

But all of this is probably just my way of avoiding the ugly fact that the Red Sox lost (again). 0-3. Sunday's game is just a formality - the best the Sox can hope for is to avoid getting swept. That doesn't mean I won't watch it - my New England stoicism borders on masochism at times - but it DOES mean that I won't enjoy watching it.