Yesterday morning, before I left the house to pick up K. for the hike to Jack's River, I got an email from my ex-girlfriend L. She had sent it at 11:30 the night before (Friday) and had titled it "Have a great time tomorrow!" "You'll have great weather & a great time.... sure wish I could be there... take care" she wrote.
So naturally, I thought about her a lot duing the hike . . .
Today, I went to the zendo for the usual Sunday morning service, as well as K.'s initiation ceremony. The ceremony went well, and I was glad for K. to formally enter Zen Buddhism, but the whole time my mind was still on L. She was there that morning, working in the kitchen to prepare the noontime meal for the sangha. She looked quite lovely - a black sleeveless top, her hair cut into cute bangs, the kitchen apron tied around her pretty waist. It broke my heart every time I looked at her, to the point where I couldn't stay any longer and walked out after the ceremony without sharing in the meal with K. and the rest of the sangha.
I spent the afternoon trying to quiet my mind with yardwork, my heart full of loneliness and longing, mindlessly leafblowing away the remains of Hurricane Ivan even as Hurricane Jeanne was approaching . . .
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