Tuesday, August 31, 2004

I'm So Proud

(In a sarcastic voice): "I'm so proud."

Our President, after saying that we can win the war on terrorism, admited earlier this week that the war can't in fact be won, only to later retract that statement and say that it can be won after all.

And he calls his opponent a "flip flopper."

Of course, he was correct at least once. The war will never be won - in fact, waging war is one of the leading causes of terrorism. And look how well the War on Drugs is doing. And the War on Poverty (one million new Americans below the poverty level this year) . . .

Here in Atlanta, our ex-Mayor has been indicted on charges of corruption, bribery, fraud, obstruction of justice and illegal campaign contributions.

Georgia finished second-to-last nationwide in SAT scores according to results released today by the College Board. The only state less educated than Georgia was our neighbor, South Carolina. Georgia's average score was 987 out of a possible 1600, only slightly better than last year's 984. Georgia students averaged 494 out of 800 on the verbal portion and a 493 on the math. The national average score was 1026 (508 verbal and 518 math).

Of course, our local newspaper, the Constitution-Journal, tried to put a positive spin on it, and headlined the story "Georgia SAT Score Climbs 3 Points."

And as if to show just what the consequences of lack of education can lead to, a young man (let's call him "Dumb") leaned his head out of the passenger side of his friend's pickup truck to puke after a night of heavy drinking at Runaround Sue's, a bar in Marietta, and was decapitated when he struck the support wire of a telephone pole. And as if that weren't bad enough, the friend (let's call him "Dumber") then drove 12 miles to his house with the body still hanging out the passenger window, and went to sleep in blood-soaked clothes, leaving his pickup truck parked overnight in the driveway. A neighbor walking with his daughter Sunday morning saw the body and called the police, who later found the severed head at the accident site on Canton Road.

And this just after the press coverage was winding down about the funeral home operator in northwest Georgia who dumped and buried dozens of bodies in his backyard after charging the families for cremations he never performed.

Let's scan a few more of today's headlines, shall we?:

"House Bulldozed by Mistake"

"Rep. Collins Injured in Farm Accident, Cancels Plans to Attend GOP Convention"

Starting to see a pattern here?

I'm so proud . . . I put new tires on my Jeep today.

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